[ Well that hits him like an emotional wallop. Who's Jordie? Someone I didn't want to lose. ]
You know I'm hard to kill. Besides, I have my new armor to test out.
[ Jesper's been working on it for a while, on a metal armor shirt that can also be pulled off into metal pieces and used as projectile weapons with his telekinesis. He's been practicing. ]
Maybe I'll bring you back something nice and shiny.
[ Maybe it's revealing a lot of his hand but its not early in the game and he has a clue or two about how things are between himself and Jesper. Not a clue of what they might be but where they do stand. ]
Try and not find out its weaknesses and strengths in the heat of battle.
[ Does he trust this material? As much as he does Jesper, which maybe says something. He's not sure how much he trusts their Grisha "magic" against the magic of this place. ]
Yes, I do seem the type to like shiny things. Can you hear my eyes rolling?
[ Ignore the fact that the first thing he wanted as a nice, shiny fabrikated crow's head. Don't point that out. ]
Pieces to a map would do nicely though.
Though speaking of shiny things, I have work for you when we're not on the verge of war. I should have sent it with you to do while you're riding. Keep you busy.
That's the only time to test them. It's going to be great, I can't wait to shove it in Ciri's face that I'm as fantastic as I keep claiming.
[ From the sound of that, it would seem he doesn't like Ciri, but it's the opposite. He likes her a lot, because she's mean to him, and Jesper likes when people are mean to him. Don't @ him with speculation on that, Kaz knows better than most. He respects her too so he wants her attention and it will never end until she goes 'you're not that bad after all, Jesper.' The magic words. ]
Oh so you didn't want and love the shiny crow's head I made you?
Have you met me? I'm a Summoned favorite, obviously.
[ This is 100% true. He gets along well with all the Summoned, he keeps a whole lot of information in his head that he shares whenever possible. The merchants both love and hate him, he's a favorite of the citizen kids and their parents. Jesper adapted so quickly and easily here. ]
A ring, huh? Are you going to share details with me or stay mysterious?
Obviously. How could any deny your charm? I wish text had sarcasm.
[ Except that he meant it, he just wouldn't admit it. ]
I acquired it recently, before things went south. I thought it would be better off in a new setting or a few of them. Including, perhaps, a pair of earrings for myself. The rest we can reset and sell for our future.
I don't know, I'm loving it right now. I get to assume everything I want to.
It would change that I'm allowed to flirt with you more often, obviously. That's at least half of my charm.
[ He does flirt with Kaz a lot less than everyone else, mostly because he didn't want to be thwacked with a cane. And out of respect for Inej. But give the man an inch, he'll take a mile.]
Technically, I already have. It's just not strong enough for bullets yet. I'm testing out some of it on this mission.
That's obviously because you haven't been paying attention.
[ Which he feels is answer enough, though he's fairly certain the flirting he's done has been subtle enough that no one noticed. Not even though he was flirting with. ]
How is someone supposed to know when you truly mean it then?
With whom? When? I'm not sure I always know that with you. At least when speaking of your charm.
I don't doubt it won't be impressive. Just the middle of a war is when you need it and when it's a danger to be testing an unknown thing. You'll show me it all when you come back.
[ He can't help that he feels awkward now, uncertain what to say, and if it's welcome to continue. Both in how Jesper feels, and what Inej thinks of it. He hates this uncertainty, especially with them. ]
You still could have said something. I wouldn't mess with your head like that, Jesper. Not you.
It isn't a line of conversation that needs to continue if you're uncomfortable.
That said, those who I was unwilling to lose are in this place with me. I'm not willing to lose either of you.
[ This is perhaps the first time he's felt like he does without someone touching him bare skin to bare skin. His heart is racing, he feels sweaty and cold at the same time. Honesty has its place, but that doesn't make it easy.
He isn't sure any other way to say these things, glad no one can see him as he does. ]
You could never lose either of us, Kaz. We love each other and we love you and that's just not going to happen.
[ Jesper is so certain of that it wouldn't even occur to him that anything different is possible. This could go up in flame and he would still love and be loyal to them, that's who he is. ]
I'm a near-expert on having multiple connections at a time without it having to be a problem. It requires mutual respect and affection and clear boundaries. And to know what you want. Maybe you should think about what you want.
You can't speak for you both, Jesper, and I wouldn't want you to.
I've always known what I wanted. Just as I know what I can't have.
[ He had let them both go for that reason, much as it had hurt. He couldn't offer them what they could have from others. An ability to connect physically for one. How long would someone endure how withdrawn he was physically, or that he had yet to master more than a small tough of fingers without fainting? And then only with Inej! ]
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But I'm not ready for you to not be in my life.
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You know I'm hard to kill. Besides, I have my new armor to test out.
[ Jesper's been working on it for a while, on a metal armor shirt that can also be pulled off into metal pieces and used as projectile weapons with his telekinesis. He's been practicing. ]
Maybe I'll bring you back something nice and shiny.
[ Stop flirting, Jesper. ]
Or just a new piece of a map.
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Try and not find out its weaknesses and strengths in the heat of battle.
[ Does he trust this material? As much as he does Jesper, which maybe says something. He's not sure how much he trusts their Grisha "magic" against the magic of this place. ]
Yes, I do seem the type to like shiny things.
Can you hear my eyes rolling?
[ Ignore the fact that the first thing he wanted as a nice, shiny fabrikated crow's head. Don't point that out. ]
Pieces to a map would do nicely though.
Though speaking of shiny things, I have work for you when we're not on the verge of war.
I should have sent it with you to do while you're riding. Keep you busy.
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[ From the sound of that, it would seem he doesn't like Ciri, but it's the opposite. He likes her a lot, because she's mean to him, and Jesper likes when people are mean to him. Don't @ him with speculation on that, Kaz knows better than most. He respects her too so he wants her attention and it will never end until she goes 'you're not that bad after all, Jesper.' The magic words. ]
Oh so you didn't want and love the shiny crow's head I made you?
[ He is going to point it out! ]
What kind of work?
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How is that working out for you here?
[ He suspects well, but he's seen this himself and he knows it can turn on Jesper as well.
Even if it hadn't with him. Not in the long run. ]
It's mine and don't touch it.
If it's shiny it's a distraction when I use it as a weapon.
I have a ring I need broken down.
Most of it for sale to fund us further, but there's a project I'd like done with parts of it.
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[ This is 100% true. He gets along well with all the Summoned, he keeps a whole lot of information in his head that he shares whenever possible. The merchants both love and hate him, he's a favorite of the citizen kids and their parents. Jesper adapted so quickly and easily here. ]
A ring, huh? Are you going to share details with me or stay mysterious?
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I wish text had sarcasm.
[ Except that he meant it, he just wouldn't admit it. ]
I acquired it recently, before things went south.
I thought it would be better off in a new setting or a few of them.
Including, perhaps, a pair of earrings for myself.
The rest we can reset and sell for our future.
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[ See that is flirting. Delusionally or not. ]
Of course, boss.
Also, I haven't mentioned this to anyone else yet. But I think I'm on the verge of figuring out Corecloth.
[ The bullet-proof clothing armor that Durasts usually can make but Jesper has yet to. ]
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Everyone else succumbs to your charms. What would it change if I did as well?
[ There isn't a response for a few minutes, considering that and the possibilities. ]
How close is on the verge?
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It would change that I'm allowed to flirt with you more often, obviously. That's at least half of my charm.
[ He does flirt with Kaz a lot less than everyone else, mostly because he didn't want to be thwacked with a cane. And out of respect for Inej. But give the man an inch, he'll take a mile.]
Technically, I already have. It's just not strong enough for bullets yet. I'm testing out some of it on this mission.
[ Recklessly. ]
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Has that every stopped you before? I mean, it is what you do with everyone, right?
[ Because that is always what he's assumed it was, just him flirting with Kaz because it's what he does. ]
That seems entirely safe and without danger.
Now do you see sarcasm in my words?
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It is what I do with everyone, right. But sometimes I mean it more than other times.
[ He is still poking and prodding, pushing at boundaries, because it's what he does! ]
Oh that sarcasm came through clearly. I'll be fine, Kaz, you pulled me off the streets because I'm the best.
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[ Which he feels is answer enough, though he's fairly certain the flirting he's done has been subtle enough that no one noticed. Not even though he was flirting with. ]
How is someone supposed to know when you truly mean it then?
The best does not mean impenetrable.
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If you're asking if I mean it, I mean it.
Listen when you see how impressive this armor works, you'll know you had no reason to worry.
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With whom? When? I'm not sure I always know that with you. At least when speaking of your charm.
I don't doubt it won't be impressive. Just the middle of a war is when you need it and when it's a danger to be testing an unknown thing.
You'll show me it all when you come back.
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You just need to trust me. When have I ever let you down? Wait, RECENTLY when have I ever let you down?
[ Listen, he knows he did with all the gambling, he's not getting back to that! ]
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I think we both know I trust you.
[ There's a break before the next message comes. ]
I would have thought if I had said something untoward, Jesper, that you would have said something to me.
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[ After that second message though. Eek. ]
In my defense, I thought you were being mean. Messing with my head.
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You still could have said something. I wouldn't mess with your head like that, Jesper. Not you.
It isn't a line of conversation that needs to continue if you're uncomfortable.
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With how many people have you known me to let go of an indiscretion against my wishes? How many, Jesper, have I forgiven?
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That said, those who I was unwilling to lose are in this place with me. I'm not willing to lose either of you.
[ This is perhaps the first time he's felt like he does without someone touching him bare skin to bare skin. His heart is racing, he feels sweaty and cold at the same time. Honesty has its place, but that doesn't make it easy.
He isn't sure any other way to say these things, glad no one can see him as he does. ]
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[ Jesper is so certain of that it wouldn't even occur to him that anything different is possible. This could go up in flame and he would still love and be loyal to them, that's who he is. ]
I'm a near-expert on having multiple connections at a time without it having to be a problem. It requires mutual respect and affection and clear boundaries. And to know what you want. Maybe you should think about what you want.
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I've always known what I wanted. Just as I know what I can't have.
[ He had let them both go for that reason, much as it had hurt. He couldn't offer them what they could have from others. An ability to connect physically for one. How long would someone endure how withdrawn he was physically, or that he had yet to master more than a small tough of fingers without fainting? And then only with Inej! ]
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