Jesper feels like Kaz's touch is so rare that it feels like a brand when it's moving on its own, such as touching his chest at the moment. His heart thuds a little harder for a few seconds. He's just so hungry for every gesture. He rolls his eyes and pulls back, not entirely from the hug, his arms still around him, but so he can look down at Kaz's face.
"You are much harder on yourself than the rest of us. I just want you to consider that something taking time doesn't make it bad."
Jesper is tall enough that he can very carefully kiss the top of Kaz's head. He makes certain it is where his hair is full and thick so he would barely feel it, surely the hair would keep it from seeming a skin touch. If allowed he will keep his nose there for a few moments to smell him. He's taking what he can get, don't @ him.
"And yes, very much love you, obnoxiously love you. Sorry."
It's an odd sensation to be reassured that it's all right for him needing time to adjust to all of this. His feelings. Who he wants to be in this place. Just these small things, and touches between them.
And yet, he realizes that while he does need time, he doesn't want it. He wants to ignore his fears and take his chances, but it's not fair to them to risk him passing out. Again.
Yet in this moment, he feels the need to try. Not just in this closeness, the way his fingers are brushing against Jesper's chest. He can't help but to think about what it would be like to stroke his fingers over Jesper's chest, bare fingers on toned skin. Or to try and kiss him and have it not end with him unconscious on the floor.
Yet he feels that cold clamminess just thinking about it, but he realizes he doesn't feel it when he thinks about something else. Something that he needs to show them and let them know how he feels.
He draws back slowly, looking into Jesper's eyes.
"You know I feel the same, right? That all I've done to keep you from falling into gambling, and the things I missed when you left, and... you know feel the same, right?"
He hates stumbling over the words, that saying them is harder than he thought it would be.
"Do not be sorry for feeling the same love I do. Because I fo love you."
Jesper understands how Inej lost control of herself long enough to surprise Kaz with a kiss, before understanding that it would lead him to pass out. The impulse is everywhere for him too. They're looking into each other's eyes, still in a half-embrace, so unbelievably close, and the only thing holding him back is knowing it would ruin the moment. If he made Kaz pass out or made him sick, it would ruin this, and that's the last thing he wants from them declaring love for one another. Something like that should never be wrapped up in nausea.
"I didn't know," Jesper admits, and he feels something. Something almost embarrassing, as in a wave of intense emotion so strong he almost felt like welling up. He is used to being loved. His confidence in himself and his own appeal is eternal, it doesn't mean that hearing the words means any less to him because he's heard it before. It always matters. It's always special. Being loved comes naturally to him but he still craves it. Especially from Kaz or all people.
He knew that Kaz cared for him, that he meant a great deal to him. He knew that he had feelings for him, romantic and sexual, otherwise they wouldn't be attempting to work out this in a very slow burn. But in his unkind moments, desperate for Kaz's attention, he thought maybe he wasn't capable of it. Cruel, but so was unrequited love.
He takes in an unsteady breath and lets it out, letting his hand run up and down Kaz's back gently, that connection between them steady. "In case you doubt it, Kaz, this is worth it. You are worth it. No matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult it might be at times for us, I want to be right here with you."
Jesper knows if he keeps looking into Kaz's eyes like that he might slip so he pulls back finally, with some reluctance. There is getting him used to touch and there is the edge of when it's too much. He very carefully lifts a hand and brushes only the back of his fingers against Kaz's cheek in a caress, no more than a second. "Thanks. For loving me."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maybe can start wrapping on this one!
"You are much harder on yourself than the rest of us. I just want you to consider that something taking time doesn't make it bad."
Jesper is tall enough that he can very carefully kiss the top of Kaz's head. He makes certain it is where his hair is full and thick so he would barely feel it, surely the hair would keep it from seeming a skin touch. If allowed he will keep his nose there for a few moments to smell him. He's taking what he can get, don't @ him.
"And yes, very much love you, obnoxiously love you. Sorry."
no subject
And yet, he realizes that while he does need time, he doesn't want it. He wants to ignore his fears and take his chances, but it's not fair to them to risk him passing out. Again.
Yet in this moment, he feels the need to try. Not just in this closeness, the way his fingers are brushing against Jesper's chest. He can't help but to think about what it would be like to stroke his fingers over Jesper's chest, bare fingers on toned skin. Or to try and kiss him and have it not end with him unconscious on the floor.
Yet he feels that cold clamminess just thinking about it, but he realizes he doesn't feel it when he thinks about something else. Something that he needs to show them and let them know how he feels.
He draws back slowly, looking into Jesper's eyes.
"You know I feel the same, right? That all I've done to keep you from falling into gambling, and the things I missed when you left, and... you know feel the same, right?"
He hates stumbling over the words, that saying them is harder than he thought it would be.
"Do not be sorry for feeling the same love I do. Because I fo love you."
no subject
"I didn't know," Jesper admits, and he feels something. Something almost embarrassing, as in a wave of intense emotion so strong he almost felt like welling up. He is used to being loved. His confidence in himself and his own appeal is eternal, it doesn't mean that hearing the words means any less to him because he's heard it before. It always matters. It's always special. Being loved comes naturally to him but he still craves it. Especially from Kaz or all people.
He knew that Kaz cared for him, that he meant a great deal to him. He knew that he had feelings for him, romantic and sexual, otherwise they wouldn't be attempting to work out this in a very slow burn. But in his unkind moments, desperate for Kaz's attention, he thought maybe he wasn't capable of it. Cruel, but so was unrequited love.
He takes in an unsteady breath and lets it out, letting his hand run up and down Kaz's back gently, that connection between them steady. "In case you doubt it, Kaz, this is worth it. You are worth it. No matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult it might be at times for us, I want to be right here with you."
Jesper knows if he keeps looking into Kaz's eyes like that he might slip so he pulls back finally, with some reluctance. There is getting him used to touch and there is the edge of when it's too much. He very carefully lifts a hand and brushes only the back of his fingers against Kaz's cheek in a caress, no more than a second. "Thanks. For loving me."