Jesper understands how Inej lost control of herself long enough to surprise Kaz with a kiss, before understanding that it would lead him to pass out. The impulse is everywhere for him too. They're looking into each other's eyes, still in a half-embrace, so unbelievably close, and the only thing holding him back is knowing it would ruin the moment. If he made Kaz pass out or made him sick, it would ruin this, and that's the last thing he wants from them declaring love for one another. Something like that should never be wrapped up in nausea.
"I didn't know," Jesper admits, and he feels something. Something almost embarrassing, as in a wave of intense emotion so strong he almost felt like welling up. He is used to being loved. His confidence in himself and his own appeal is eternal, it doesn't mean that hearing the words means any less to him because he's heard it before. It always matters. It's always special. Being loved comes naturally to him but he still craves it. Especially from Kaz or all people.
He knew that Kaz cared for him, that he meant a great deal to him. He knew that he had feelings for him, romantic and sexual, otherwise they wouldn't be attempting to work out this in a very slow burn. But in his unkind moments, desperate for Kaz's attention, he thought maybe he wasn't capable of it. Cruel, but so was unrequited love.
He takes in an unsteady breath and lets it out, letting his hand run up and down Kaz's back gently, that connection between them steady. "In case you doubt it, Kaz, this is worth it. You are worth it. No matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult it might be at times for us, I want to be right here with you."
Jesper knows if he keeps looking into Kaz's eyes like that he might slip so he pulls back finally, with some reluctance. There is getting him used to touch and there is the edge of when it's too much. He very carefully lifts a hand and brushes only the back of his fingers against Kaz's cheek in a caress, no more than a second. "Thanks. For loving me."
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"I didn't know," Jesper admits, and he feels something. Something almost embarrassing, as in a wave of intense emotion so strong he almost felt like welling up. He is used to being loved. His confidence in himself and his own appeal is eternal, it doesn't mean that hearing the words means any less to him because he's heard it before. It always matters. It's always special. Being loved comes naturally to him but he still craves it. Especially from Kaz or all people.
He knew that Kaz cared for him, that he meant a great deal to him. He knew that he had feelings for him, romantic and sexual, otherwise they wouldn't be attempting to work out this in a very slow burn. But in his unkind moments, desperate for Kaz's attention, he thought maybe he wasn't capable of it. Cruel, but so was unrequited love.
He takes in an unsteady breath and lets it out, letting his hand run up and down Kaz's back gently, that connection between them steady. "In case you doubt it, Kaz, this is worth it. You are worth it. No matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult it might be at times for us, I want to be right here with you."
Jesper knows if he keeps looking into Kaz's eyes like that he might slip so he pulls back finally, with some reluctance. There is getting him used to touch and there is the edge of when it's too much. He very carefully lifts a hand and brushes only the back of his fingers against Kaz's cheek in a caress, no more than a second. "Thanks. For loving me."