In truth, this has left a ragged hole in his chest, and while Jesper's told others that he holds onto Inej's joy waiting for her, and he knows that she'll find it, it's still difficult. And it makes him want to hold Kaz close and cling to him. It's why he was cautious too, about what Kaz offered, worried that pushing him too much would push him away.
He has been so careful with his lover, and they have taken steps together. They've come together, over clothes and across a bed, and they've found deep intimacy. But Jesper has hesitated from indicating how much more he wants, from confessing anything more, until today, when he wanted so much to take comfort in Kaz's body. He's still nervous though, because it's always him suggesting a next step and gently pulling Kaz with him. This is Kaz's move.
Saints but just the way Kaz pulls off his glove! It's so sexy, it's insane. He stretches out his body in a very intentional seductive way, all long limbs and defined muscles, putting on a display for Kaz to keep looking at. Jesper knows how hot he is but he glows under attention. Maybe what they need right now is the heat.
"Do you want me, Kaz Brekker?" Jesper says with a smile, predatory but also in a passive poise, suggestive. He runs his own hand over his smooth brown skin.
There will be a moment when Kaz breaks. A fight. Bloodshed. His own or someone else's. Whatever it took to burn out the pain. Just as he had so many times before.
Yet now he has another way. A way to push himself, and to have and take and use and give and everything he needs to try and get past the pain and their loss.
He drops the gloves aside, taking off his jacket and leaving it with the gloves. Yet he doesn't make a move to remove anything else as he gives Jesper a small shake of his head.
"It's more than want," he assures him in slow, deliberate tones. The same deliberateness of his gaze as it slides over that beautiful, exquisite body. "I need you, Jesper Fahey. I need to remind myself that you're here, and you're mine."
He shifts up onto the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his knee.
"I'm not taking anything else off. All you'll have today is my hands and my mouth," he murmurs softly, already letting his fingertips just barely drift along Jesper's hip.
Jesper used to fantasize about Kaz like this frequently and it's still insane to him that it gets to be real. Desire has a way of pushing out any other emotion for him. He loses himself in it, and all he can feel now is hot and excited and desperate. It's not that he's forgotten his pain but that it is being replaced with something just as powerful. Kaz needs him.
"My body, my heart, they're yours, Kaz." Jesper has never belonged to anyone more than Kaz Brekker, considering their background together. He's been devoted to Kaz for years, and while he worked for him, they've never been a traditional boss and worker.
"I guess I'll live with that." Kaz's hands and mouth? Oh yes, what a hardship. Although he does like looking at him naked and thinks about it when idle, but they need less skin to be available to pull this off. Kaz needs complete control of the situation. He's exploring touch more significantly than he ever has before and Jesper is going to try and be still and let him.
He moves onto his back so Kaz can have free reign of his body, resisting the urge to touch him. "You can do anything you want to me, as long as it's what you want." Jesper's just so nervous about making him feel pressured, but Kaz has reassured him otherwise.
It's been difficult not to focus on these things with Jesper when Kaz should be doing so much else. Remember how he looks nude, laid out of like this, touching himself. He's thought about having so much more with him, of experiencing so many things but he's also thought about how to make that happen without passing out.
He's thought of this moment truly more than he should have. Of taking time to explore Jesper's body without having to think or focus on anything but the man he loves. That vow and those words, they bring a soft curve to Kaz's mouth, nearly a smile and more than most have ever seen from him.
"Such a hardship, though you might find it is before I'm done with you."
He takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he moves up on the bed. Moving to slide one leg over Jesper's and kneeling over his hips. Not quite touching him before for the inside of his knees even as he slides his hand along Jesper's stomach and up his chest to rest over his heart. His hand trembles but then he leans down and presses a kiss to the center of Jesper's chest with a a shuddering exhalation.
"Oh it'll definitely be hard." Jesper laughs at his own ridiculousness, but they will always be them even in the bedroom. Friends first, lovers second. It's not going to take much at all for Kaz to get him hard simply from the anticipation of his touch. He didn't mean this had to necessarily become erotic, Kaz could put his hands on him just to enjoy it, but it's unlikely it can stay non-sexual between them. There's too much chemistry here.
Jesper puts his hands down on the bed on either side and takes some of the blanket between his fingers so he can resist the urge to touch him back. It's going to be difficult, especially when Kaz puts his mouth on his chest and he sighs, eyelashes fluttering.
The smallest things are appealing to him, like the way Kaz breathes against his chest, causing goosebumps on his skin from sensation more than anything else. He's not cold, he's turned on. Jesper licks his lips and does reach behind him for a pillow, putting it under his head so it's a lot easier for him to watch.
"That's good, sweetheart." He wants to encourage him and be gentle about it, he can feel the tremble in Kaz, he wishes he could chase it away.
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He has been so careful with his lover, and they have taken steps together. They've come together, over clothes and across a bed, and they've found deep intimacy. But Jesper has hesitated from indicating how much more he wants, from confessing anything more, until today, when he wanted so much to take comfort in Kaz's body. He's still nervous though, because it's always him suggesting a next step and gently pulling Kaz with him. This is Kaz's move.
Saints but just the way Kaz pulls off his glove! It's so sexy, it's insane. He stretches out his body in a very intentional seductive way, all long limbs and defined muscles, putting on a display for Kaz to keep looking at. Jesper knows how hot he is but he glows under attention. Maybe what they need right now is the heat.
"Do you want me, Kaz Brekker?" Jesper says with a smile, predatory but also in a passive poise, suggestive. He runs his own hand over his smooth brown skin.
no subject
Yet now he has another way. A way to push himself, and to have and take and use and give and everything he needs to try and get past the pain and their loss.
He drops the gloves aside, taking off his jacket and leaving it with the gloves. Yet he doesn't make a move to remove anything else as he gives Jesper a small shake of his head.
"It's more than want," he assures him in slow, deliberate tones. The same deliberateness of his gaze as it slides over that beautiful, exquisite body. "I need you, Jesper Fahey. I need to remind myself that you're here, and you're mine."
He shifts up onto the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his knee.
"I'm not taking anything else off. All you'll have today is my hands and my mouth," he murmurs softly, already letting his fingertips just barely drift along Jesper's hip.
no subject
"My body, my heart, they're yours, Kaz." Jesper has never belonged to anyone more than Kaz Brekker, considering their background together. He's been devoted to Kaz for years, and while he worked for him, they've never been a traditional boss and worker.
"I guess I'll live with that." Kaz's hands and mouth? Oh yes, what a hardship. Although he does like looking at him naked and thinks about it when idle, but they need less skin to be available to pull this off. Kaz needs complete control of the situation. He's exploring touch more significantly than he ever has before and Jesper is going to try and be still and let him.
He moves onto his back so Kaz can have free reign of his body, resisting the urge to touch him. "You can do anything you want to me, as long as it's what you want." Jesper's just so nervous about making him feel pressured, but Kaz has reassured him otherwise.
no subject
He's thought of this moment truly more than he should have. Of taking time to explore Jesper's body without having to think or focus on anything but the man he loves. That vow and those words, they bring a soft curve to Kaz's mouth, nearly a smile and more than most have ever seen from him.
"Such a hardship, though you might find it is before I'm done with you."
He takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he moves up on the bed. Moving to slide one leg over Jesper's and kneeling over his hips. Not quite touching him before for the inside of his knees even as he slides his hand along Jesper's stomach and up his chest to rest over his heart. His hand trembles but then he leans down and presses a kiss to the center of Jesper's chest with a a shuddering exhalation.
no subject
Jesper puts his hands down on the bed on either side and takes some of the blanket between his fingers so he can resist the urge to touch him back. It's going to be difficult, especially when Kaz puts his mouth on his chest and he sighs, eyelashes fluttering.
The smallest things are appealing to him, like the way Kaz breathes against his chest, causing goosebumps on his skin from sensation more than anything else. He's not cold, he's turned on. Jesper licks his lips and does reach behind him for a pillow, putting it under his head so it's a lot easier for him to watch.
"That's good, sweetheart." He wants to encourage him and be gentle about it, he can feel the tremble in Kaz, he wishes he could chase it away.